Wine Humour
Page 1
Jokes
Men are like fine wine, Women are like fine wine
The policeman signals to an car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically. He says to the driver, "You appear to have been drinking!"
The driver answers, "No sir, I am just tired."
The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest! He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, "What is, or should I say was in this bottle?
The driver answers, "Water!"
The policeman says, "It is not, it's wine!"
The driver looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, you have done it again!"
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
Men are like fine wine, Women are like fine wine
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
A Nun
rushes into the office of the Mother Superior and exclaims,
"We've discovered a case of syphilis in the convent!"
The Mother Superior replies,
"Thank goodness! I was getting sick of drinking Chablis."
1.- "You have to pull it out
slowly, otherwise it'll shoot all over the place!"
2.- "My wife caught me sneaking Alice White into the house."
3.- "I was really lucky to get a case of the Clape."
4.- "Wow, that really swelled up, can you stick it back in?"
5.- "Ladies, would any of you like a taste of my Beaune?”
6.- "There are too many whites in this room."
7.- "Spit or swallow?"
8.- "Me and the guys did a 15 year old last night - Tawny - and man was that
ever sweet!
9.- "I keep Sherry on the rack in my cellar"
10.- "I had a ‘69 with my mom last week."
The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:
12. Chateau
Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
1. Nasti Spumante
GUINNESS
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery
presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the
world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world,
give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky
Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you
drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well,
I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."